Where I find myself today
Today I am tackling patriarchal systems. I've recently wrestled with patriarchal systems in a way that has been especially difficult for me, and other people involved have had difficulty understanding how toxic masculinity, sexism, and patriarchy are operating in these contexts.
So, in this instance, patriarchy refers to
the religious, social, cultural, and political power nexus that has developed
in order to maintain the dominance of straight, cis, white adult men and subjugate women, children, and people of color. Patriarchal systems are so deeply ingrained in our culture that they
organize almost every aspect of our lives. In some cases, manifestations of
patriarchy in these systems are quite obvious (think of a CEO denying the intelligence
or aptitude of women, for example), which makes naming and opposing them at the
surface level a relatively straightforward endeavor (relatively).
The more insidious
manifestations of patriarchy that we face, however, operate at subtler level. The most difficult personal experience I have had naming and attempting
to dismantle patriarchy was in a relatively progressive context, where individuals often protested loudly against such overt expressions of sexism
as my generic example above. Much like with racism, and patriarchy and racism are so
closely intertwined, people find it much easier to
publicly denounce examples of overt discrimination and vitriol while tokenizing members of oppressed groups than to engage in careful
self-examination that would require vulnerability and humility.
In these contexts, patriarchy has been ingrained into cultures and
systems at a very deep level. Recognizing the ways that white male domination
has suffused society with the tools of suppression and control requires that we
as people be willing to recognize our own participation in these systems,
confess this sin, accept that existing systems need to be transformed or
replaced, and follow the leadership of people already doing that liberating work.
How does patriarchy work?
Patriarchy is a
manifestation of toxic masculinity, asserting dominance and control over
people, things, ideas, nature, and ideas through political systems.
Socialization and cultural conditioning are essential for the continued success
of patriarchal structures; patriarchal structures are a form of "power
over" (see VeneKlasen and Miller, A New Weave of Power), and as such are both rigidly strong and also vulnerable and brittle in their inflexibility. Their
strength comes from cultural norms that discourage the questioning of
authority, normalize secrecy, establish unquestioned protocols, and inspire shame in those
who do not conform; people living in these systems are given false, misleading, or flawed reasons for why the system operates as it does and are not permitted to seriously question the system. Patriarchal structures are often organized through hierarchies that offer false promises of reward and upward mobility to those who can successfully navigate them. At the root of the
desire to dominate and control is a deep sense of entitlement; that the
individuals deserve to exert their power over others, either inherently or through
a self-constructed idea of "merit" that allows them to say that they
have "earned" their positions of power.
In order to sustain
themselves, Patriarchal systems also require representatives of oppressed
groups to invest in their structures, often providing small rewards to
tokenized individuals who successfully navigate them. As these individuals from
marginalized groups gather up the crumbs dropped from the table of
patriarchy, they act as a buffer between those who
truly hold power and the marginalized people who challenge these systems.
Patriarchy that
feels its own vulnerability relies heavily on theatrical demonstrations intended
to discredit its critics. These theatrics make a show of highlighting the
voices of people who might object to whatever matter is currently at hand. The
system can then nod its head and say "I hear you" before
paternalistically guiding the group over which it has power back to the
system's original plans and goals. Leaders within patriarchal systems use a
variety of tools to discredit dissenting voices in a way that makes their
broader audience feel comfortable with the patriarchy, including Othering the
dissenter, disparaging the dissenters concerns, rendering the dissenter absurd
through accusations of exaggeration, offering to address the dissenter's concerns if they just "go along with it" for now, etc. (there is a music history lesson
about the neutralization of politically subversive opera characters in here,
but that may be a little too far down the rabbit hole)
When the astute
observer objects to policies or practices that continue to exert dominance and
control for the continued benefit of those who have always held power, they are
pointed back to the exercise where a dissenting voice was showcased, and then reminded
that the group decided to approve or implement or affirm
the policy or practice in question. Fox News has used this tactic frequently,
highlighting the voices of Democratic leaders and pundits, only to steer their
audience back to a far-right understanding of the world, and wasn't that
Democrat just so crazy for thinking differently and don't we know better than
that?
When confronted or
challenged, Patriarchal systems react violently in attempts to undermine,
discredit, and expel perceived threats to the power structure. Dissenters may
be gaslighted in an attempt to undermine their sense of self and degrade
their confidence in their own lived experience. The challenger's credibility or
competency may be called into question, often ignoring their years of training
and experience. A perceived threat may be ostracized by the community, perhaps
in the form of being removed from decision-making processes or being excluded
from social events in the community. The goal of the system is to neutralize
any possible check on its authority through physical, emotional, social, or
spiritual force.
What now?
You, whoever you
are, have without a doubt been a participant in these patriarchal systems;
there is no way to avoid it. Hopefully, that fact makes you uncomfortable. It
makes me uncomfortable. It threatens to paralyze me, it works within me to
undermine my confidence in myself and causes me to feel as though I am not
worthy of participating in the liberating justice work of identifying and
opposing patriarchal systems. That is a lie.
I need to reframe the discomfort
caused by confronting my complicity in oppression as a divine pull (or push?)
to get up and do something. The Christian tradition of confession and
repentance reframes this feeling for me; I feel called to confess my complicity
in sinful oppression and to repent (as in, turn and change my behavior). I need
to use my experience of being a part of oppressive systems to inform and
motivate my opposition to them. I also need to join in with others who have
already been doing this liberating work and follow their leading. I invite you
to do the same.
Thank you
I would like to acknowledge and express gratitude for the people who have helped me better understand these systems and my role in them, as well as my power to oppose them and to follow the leadership of others. Some I have been in close relationships with, others are acquaintances, and others I have only encountered through their written works. At the front of my mind today are my partner, Allison, Renee Kanagy, and Melissa Florer-Bixler, but there are so many more. I have done a very poor job of keeping comprehensive documentation of where I picked up and developed all of the ideas and the understandings I outlined in this post, and for that I apologize. If you as a reader want to share more helpful resources or feel compelled to fill in the gaps with specifics, please do so.
One resource I want to highlight is
Peaceful at Heart: Anabaptist Reflections on Healthy Masculinity, edited by Don Neufeld and Steve Thomas.
Peaceful at Heart contains thoughts and reflections from a variety of Anabaptist Men that seek to contribute to the conversation around what men can do to confront toxic masculinity and how men can follow the lead of others in this work.
